A new year...

As a year ends, and new year begins, a chapter of our lives closes. This year by far has been the hardest one yet. I didn't send out Christmas cards or an end of the year letter with our family's highlights, because I didn't feel like there was any. It would have been a letter with "lowlights". I feel like I have been hiding behind a fake smile this past year. Pretending that everything is all ok. I wanted to share with my family, friends, and followers more. The year started out with a real bang! Jesse was injured at work and needed emergency back surgery. The doctors were reallly scared that he would go paralyzed just lying him down on the table for the surgery. His injury, surgery ans recovery was really hard. I worried about him and still do, because it can happen again at anytime. Every disc in his back is bad, so it is only a matter of time before he needs another surgery. This injury and surgery caused Jesse's pay to dramatically reduce his pay. We applied for a home loan modification. They told us that we were preapproved, and we just needed to pay $300.00 a month for three month until they finalized the modifiction. In the end they admitted that they incorrectly read our modification application. They denied it, and told us to write a letter to have them reapply us. Six weeks later they said that there was no such thing as writing them a letter. They screwed us. Citmortgage wanted all of the payments that they original told us not to pay plus more. They want over $8000.00. We of course didn't have it. so they told us to put our house up for a short sale. Mean while I had been going through a tough pregnancy. I was in preterm labor for three months. My doctor wanted me on bde rest, but with two small children and broken husband that wasn't a possibility. I just had to make it work. But that wasn't all, my life was also being filled with drama from the my husbands family. If you know them, you know what a mean. There was an incident with a certain family member who became out of control and indangered the lives of myself and other children. Due to the embarrasment, I don't wish to share more about this person. So much forv a stress free pregnancy. After months of preterm labor, I was induced on July 12th, 2010. OUR HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR...The healthy birth of Charles. It was hard bringing him home to a house that we knew would not be ours for too much longer. Our realtor said our home could sell faster if it was empty. So we did what comes naturally, we knelt and prayed for guidance. After pondering the situation Jesse and I felt like moving to Kansas was what we needed to do for our family. Packing was hard for me because I could only take what would fit into our trailor. Part of me felt it was very freeing to be rid of excess junk and crap that were not nessecities. But the other part of me was acheing inside. I had to leave our home. OUR HOME. Those two simple word make me cry everytime I say them. It was our first home. We moved into this home when Jr was 16 months old. We grew from a family of three to a family of five in this home. We brought two children home from the hospital here. Jr learned to play ball here. Holly learned to walk in this home. I think of all of the many birthdays and holidays celebrated in our home, all of the FHE and movies nights spent at our home. Also, leaving our neighborhood was extremely hard. We had the best neighbors ever! I love Andrea! She was the best neighbor, VT companion and close friend! I will miss all of the chats in the yard her. She always made me feel loved. Leaving our ward family super hard. I cried many hours and think of them often. Just to name a few of these ladies I love...
Angie, what a wonderful thoughtful person who showed myself and family so much love. I was her visiting teacher but I know she did so much more for me than I ever did for her.
Amy, my sweet Amy. I am so grateful for her. She helped me recognize what is really important in life.
Jenette, ever smiling. She always let me know she was there for me.
Carrie, fabulously wise. Taught me to find the laughter and joy in everyday life.
Heather E., love her! We just totally connected! I felt like we had been friends for ever. Miss You!
Heather S., You and your Hubby are the best, always there for us, even late at night.
Ginger, so much fun! So real and down to earth. Showed me to be myself.
Katie, knows just how to make me laugh.
Heather L, Megan, Kim, Chaundelle, Holly, Bobette, Kaylene, Jody,Kendra, Leslie, Mandy, & Natalie.
I love these ladies and I hope they all know how much I appreciate how they touched my life.
So we moved anyways, back to the move. We left our home and our neighborhood thinking our house was going to sell. Turns out Jesse sibling moved in. We were told he tore it up and locked out our realtor. So in the end it was put up for auction and that was that. Our home was gone! I hope someone great moves in because they are very lucky to live by all of these wonderful women. Leaving our Jesse's sister's family, the Walkers was heartbreaking. I love those guys so much. Trisha has become my spiritual compass. She has taught me so many things and helped me find my way. She has been such an example to me, and a great mentor. She constantly shared her testimony with me. She means so much to me. I love her!
So we now live in Kansas. For the time being my husband, children and I am living in my fathers basement. Not a good situation. Things are great with my Dad. Jesse and my Dad get along great. They work out together everyday. The problem is with my Dad's aweful wife! I am not exagerating she is really aweful. She throws temper tantrums, and then tell outrageous lies. I have never disliked someone so much. I thought living here would be great, because I get to be close to my family again. The family part is good. The being homeless, and living with my dad's wife not great! Trying to find a job, not fun either. Due to my husband injury and fighting with workmans comp he can not work right now. I have been looking for work for awhile. For the time being, I have been roofing with my dad. Woo hoo! That's real fun. On the upside, we have been able to stack up some money. Enough money to buy a house! Not finance! In full!!! You can do that in Kansas. Yes we bought a  house in small town for...DRUMROLL, PLEASE...$8,000! Yes, I said $8,000. I know what you are thinking, "what kind of shack would you buy for that?" Small? Not at all. It is like 1700 square feet. That is a big as our home in West Jordan. Need work? Yes, but not as much as you would think. The best part of it all, in the end, it is all ours!! Plus with having no mortgage, you don't need to bring in a huge income. I can work part time, and it will give us more than enough to live and save. Most importantly we will get to be together all the time. We have spent so many years with Jesse spending six days a week breaking his back working from early in the morning till after dark and many days after bedtime. When we compare life before Jesse's injury and life now, you can't help but focus on the difference of how time is spent. Sure the money was really good when Jesse worked all the time, but we weren't good. We didn't know I was unhappy and he was unhappy. Having Jesse home with us for this year has been such a blessing. I feel like I have a full time partner. We get to spend so much time together as a family. I love it, and so do the kids!
This past year has been so hard for us, mentaully, financially and spiritually, but what a learning experience. I found myself so often kneeling and praying for understanding. I have learned when things are tough pray for that, understanding. That is what has kept me going. Being able to look at my life struggles and know that this is why I have to experience it. To have that understading that my savior knows me and knows exactly what I need to learn to build my testimony. I have also learned that if I try to run away from one of lifes lesson from my Heavenly Father, he will just have it show up again in a different way. Man, he is good. In the end, I learned what is most important to me in life, my eternal family. It doesn't matter where we live,what items we own, or how much money we make, all that matters is we have each other and that we live in a way that we can guide our children in righteousness. I love my Savior and all that he did for me. I love my Heavenly Father and the constant guidance.
I'm sorry this post has seemed to go on and on. I tried to make this last year brief. : ) I love you all and hope your year and the new year is fabulous! XOXO